The fast life of a professional poker player seems like a life of luxury to those who watch the triumphant winners on TV raising bricks of hundred dollar bills.

Those million, two million, or in the case of the World Series of Poker main event twelve million dollar first prize awarded to the winner. Sure, ESPN does cover each day and flight of the main event, but what happens to those pros that don't make the money, and lose the $5,000 - $25,000 buy in? After all, if someone is walking away with the cash and it was not a freeroll banked by the casino, the winner is enjoying the spoils of players that did not qualify for the money.

The harsh reality of a losing tourney pro exceeding his means was seen recently as Bill Gustafik was found dead from stab wounds and his wife sent in a 10 page diary of the spiral that took her to the point of wielding that knife.

Here is a small piece of the letter, and link to the letter, that may bring a little reality into the fantasy world of tournament poker:

"We were running out of everything, money, credit, friends, everything. So many nights, starting at 4 pm and going until 1 or 2 am, he would play online poker and do lines of cocaine and I would sit on the bed doing nothing when we were home. When in Vegas, he played poker. Cash, tournaments and invitational games, all of which he would loose. A tournament would run a week with games everyday totally $15-20,000 which he would loose and then play the big game, with the $10, 15 or $25,000 buy in fee. He was losing in excess of 50-75,000 a month easy. From Jan 2007 to the day of this tragedy he had lost over $200,000.

Now I did gamble too and several of you know how I could bet. But you have seen me win thousands. I would play roulette, win 20,000, text Bill in the poker room. He would run over and grab 10-15,000 and go loose it.

"His income continued to drop. I hit several large jackpots including $80,000 at Bellagio. I stashed a lot of my Paris and Bellagio cash winnings. I had a nest egg. I gave it to my children as they needed it.

"He was now becoming desperate. Several more scams were done and he was funded a little longer but he never won. His offices were dying and costing us. I went to the bank constantly depositing money to pay the bills. He would come up with cash and make me deposit it so the bank thought it was all mine so if his exwife did anything that he would be ok. My days were spent juggling phone calls and lies to people and the fake life. I was breaking down.